New Mom Memory
I have been thinking a lot lately about my pregnancy with my daughter (my oldest child) and also the early days/months after she was born. This has been on my mind because my little brother (who is now an adult and really only 4 years younger than me) and his wife are expecting their first child this fall. I have been fielding questions on topics ranging from what diaper pail they should register for to how to manage the family who will be ever-present once they are parents. I don’t mind answering their questions at all and am so excited to be able to watch them go through the transition to parenthood, but what has struck me is how amazingly little we remember from those blurry early days of our children’s lives. So much is happening so fast between the drastic changes in our own lives to the rapid pace with which a newborn baby grows. I have a distant recollection of a conversation I had with a very kind lactation consultant who was patiently listening to all of my breastfeeding concerns when my daughter was probably less than a month old. She made some reference to something I may have remembered from when my daughter was first born and I said, “Remember??!!! I don’t remember anything these days!” Her response was that this is the way the human species protects itself. If we remembered every moment about the first few months of our children’s lives, we would never have another child and the human race would die out. So true! I guess it is good that sleep deprivation makes it hard for our brains to store memories.
Here are the things I do remember from my first pregnancy and those early days after my daughter was born. The good and the not-so-good.
The good
Feeling her move inside my belly for the first time and continuing on throughout the pregnancy.
Being able to hold her on my forearm. She was so small (only 5lbs when she was born) that I could hold her head in my hand and her body barely reached down my forearm to my elbow.
Constantly marveling at how this small person arrived in my home (even though I saw her come out of me) and if someone was going to come and tell me that there had been a mistake and I had to give her back.
The feeling of empowerment and satisfaction that I was getting to know my baby and could understand what she was telling me so that I could comfort and soothe her.
The not so good
The constant musculoskeletal pain that radiated through my back and joints in my third trimester.
My immense disappointment after being told that I had preeclampsia and all my chances for natural childbirth were gone.
The feeling of panic when my husband would leave me alone for 2 minutes in the middle of the with this little baby so that he could go to the bathroom.
That feeling right after my husband walked out the door for work in the morning, and I realized I had to figure out how to do it all by myself for the whole day.
There are millions of little details from the early days that I have no recollection of. I suppose that is good otherwise I may not considered doing it again. So what do I hope you’ll take away from my rambling memories? In your sleep deprived, spit up covered haze, try to take just 5 minutes every few days after your baby is born to write down those memories. Someday you may want them again.