You Never Know
Most of us have heard stories of moms who have experienced postpartum depression. Some of those women are our friends, our sisters, or maybe just a stranger we read about on a blog. What follows is the story of Jane. It is a story of how postpartum depression can happen to anyone. Jane is a perfect example of a woman who is smart, well-educated, with access to resources, but despite these factors, fell through the cracks and was unidentified in her suffering by her care providers. She had all the classic symptoms (loss of appetite, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, depression, anxiety, inability to sleep), but was still not screened and left in pain for far too long. Although Jane herself was trained to look for these symptoms in others, when it happened to her, she was unable to fathom the extent of her own illness.
Jane is an expertly trained psychotherapist at an employee assistance program in New York City with a private practice of individual clients as well. She has a Master’s degree in social work with additional training through a well-regarded family therapy institute. She is a fantastic therapist and one of the most insightful people I have ever had the privilege to work with and call my friend. Despite all of this, when she came face to face with postpartum depression after the birth of her first child, it took weeks to be diagnosed, receive treatment, and finally experience relief.
At the end of Jane’s pregnancy with Ella, she was diagnosed with high blood pressure and preeclampsia. Even given these complications, Ella was born on time, healthy, and without event. Shortly after coming home from the hospital, Jane began experiencing what she describes as chronic anxiety that wouldn’t go away. She felt as though she was on the verge of panic all the time. The thought of being alone with Ella for even five minute gap between when her husband had to leave and her mom would arrive was terrifying. Even more then 3 years later, she still clearly recalls vivid feelings of despair when thinking about this time in her life. Now she is able to look back and know that she was sick but at the time, but when it was happening to her, she couldn’t identify what was really wrong.
Its no secret that when you have a baby, everyone is sleep deprived. For Jane, however, sleep was an impossibility. Even with the support of her husband and night nurses attending to Ella, Jane felt absolutely certain that she could not go to sleep. In the middle of the night, a week or so after Ella was born, Jane became obsessed with finding the instructions to an ice cream machine she and her husband had received as a wedding gift several years ago. She was certain that the instructions had somehow become lost in the mail. When she did sleep, she had nightmares about these missing instructions that woke her in a cold sweat. She had no appetite but when she did eat, she couldn’t taste the food she had put into her mouth. Every day began with the though, “I don’t want to do this, I can’t do this.” Although she wasn’t suicidal, she regularly thought that it would be nice to be hit by a car just so that she would have an excuse to go to the hospital and rest without the expectation that she take care of her baby.
About a week after Ella’s birth, Jane returned to the hospital with high blood pressure. Although she was a week postpartum, she was not screened for PPD. While she was in the hospital, she became highly paranoid that the doctors in the emergency room were laughing at her and that they were talking about how she was poisoning Ella by taking blood pressure medication while nursing. Still, no one read the signs.
When she returned to her OB for a check up and described the problems she was having, her doctor dismissed the complaints and told her she would feel better with a little sleep and told her to take Tylenol PM. Again, she was not screened for PPD. Jane’s husband emphatically told the doctor that this was not his wife, that she was not herself, but no further follow up was advised. Following this unhelpful interaction, Jane’s husband declared that she was not okay and insisted that she see a psychiatrist. Jane asked him to come with to the visit because she was afraid she would put on a “polite show” and not be honest with the psychiatrist about how she had been feeling. This fear, however, was unwarranted because she collapsed into tears the minute she sat down with the doctor. She told the psychiatrist that she knew she was crazy and that she had “fallen down the rabbit hole and no one knew it.” Very quickly, the doctor recognized all the symptoms of postpartum depression with psychotic features due to the extreme paranoia that she was also experiencing. She was prescribed Zoloft.
A week to 10 days after beginning Zoloft, Jane finally began feeling as though she might get better. By 5-6 weeks, she was able to function enough in order to schedule necessary medical appointments for her daughter. At about 11 weeks, although still fragile, she felt as though she was finally recovering. Jane has since had another baby. Understandably, she was very concerned about the possibility of experiencing such severe postpartum depression again. She switched to a new OB, one who knew her history and was understanding and supportive of her. She was restarted on Zoloft the day her second daughter was born. She recalls one day that she awoke with a panic attack but it quickly subsided without further problems. The second time around, Jane and her family were armed with the knowledge of what to look for as well as a supportive team of doctors and her therapist to ensure that she didn’t have a repeat of her experience following Ella’s birth.
No woman should have to go through what Jane went through, however, even with screening, postpartum depression impacts roughly 20% of all postpartum women, making it the most common complication of pregnancy. When we are pregnant, we are constantly monitored to make sure mom and baby are doing well. Once we give birth, the attention so often shifts away from the mom and onto the baby. Sadly, our own needs frequently fall through the cracks, even for those of us who know what this illness looks like from the outside. Better screening and support are essential during the first year postpartum and there are excellent resources available to help. The Blossom Method is a therapy practice offering support, community, comfort and hope to women and couples experiencing issues related infertility, pregnancy loss, genetic complications, pelvic disorders, NICU preemies and postpartum depression. Phone: 312.854.0061, email: info@blossommethod.com, website: www.blossommethod.com
The Chicago New Moms Group is participating in The Blossom Method’s You Never Know campaign. Participation in this campaign is voluntary and I have not received any financial compensation. All thoughts and opinions are my own.