10 ways partners can support new moms
Becoming a new parent is an intense experience. Even in the most equitable of households, much of the work involved with caring for a newborn falls on moms. This can happen often due to the circumstances required by breastfeeding, but even when moms are not nursing, this can still be the case because of the unequal nature of most parent leave policies. Although there have been some changes to create more equitable parental leaves, more often then not, moms are given leave while dads are back at work in days or at most, in a few short weeks. Sometimes partners can struggle to figure out what their role is in their newly grown family. Have no fear though, there are plenty of things that partners (often this refers to dads) can do to share the work and relieve a bit of the intense newborn load from moms. Not only does this improve relationship satisfaction and reduce resentment, but research shows that dad involvement in children’s lives correlates to more positive social behavior, better self esteem, lower levels of depression and greater academic success in their children.
In those early newborn weeks, here are some things dads can do to support new moms:
Ensure that moms are supplied with snacks and water when she is feeding the baby. Despite all the sitting around that breastfeeding involves, it is HARD work. It creates a healthy appetite and an intense thirst. It also ties moms in one spot, unable to move for fear of disrupting a feeding (which can be tricky to get going in the beginning).
Burp the baby after a feeding. Some babies burp easier then others. It is great when dads can come up with their own techniques for getting out the burps!
Keep the essentials stocked. Are you running low on diapers? Wipes? Formula? Toilet paper? Paper towels? There is a really intense mental load that comes with parenthood, especially for moms. This means that moms are constantly tracking, logging and calculating many things in their heads that happen around them. Not having to be responsible for all the little household essentials can relieve a lot of that mental burden.
Play with the baby. Find your own techniques that produce smiles and giggles. Figure how what your baby likes and doesn’t like. Pro tip: your baby doesn’t actually enjoy watching the game with you. He is just attracted to the lights from the television screen.
Change diapers. Gone are the days when dads don’t change diapers. This is especially helpful in the middle of the night. While it might seem like mom is getting up anyway so she might as well change the diaper, even those couple of extra minutes of sleep while a diaper is changed are very appreciated!
Make meals. Or if you aren’t much of a cook, help with the decision making for what to order. Not having to make all the decisions can come as a big relief for moms!
Let mom sleep in or take a nap. Quick tip: babies are their happiest in the mornings after what is usually the longest stretch of sleep for the day. The best time to play with your baby is in the morning. So when your baby wakes for the day, scoop her up and play. You’ll get to know your baby at her happiest and win big points with your partner!
Do skin to skin. This can be done laying down so even if you are exhausted, take off your shirt, get your baby naked and snuggle. There are SO many benefits of skin to skin contact between parents and baby: it helps your baby regulate their heartbeat and breathing patterns, it lowers cortisol (a stress hormone) which in turn lessens gastrointestinal problems, babies fall asleep and have deep sleep during skin to skin contact, and so much more.
Make bath time your special time. There are so many moments in the day that moms share with their babies, but it is great when partners can have their own special time as well. Being responsible for bath time not only gives mom a few moments to herself, but it is also something that dads can do to create their own special routine with their baby.
Be an encouraging cheerleader. This is a time of tremendous change and adjustment for families but for moms in particular. There will be many moments when your partner just needs someone to listen to her and be that supportive voice. While problem solving may seem like what you are supposed to do, more often, just being a good listener and appreciating all of her hard work is really what she needs.