Motherhood in the age of over-information
Raise your hand if you’ve been up with your baby in the middle of the night and have Googled and of the following questions:
How do I get my baby to sleep?
Why is my baby’s poop green?
Why is my baby refusing to nurse on both sides or at all?
How do I cure baby acne?
Why is my baby crying?
Why does my baby sneeze so much?
Why is my baby grunting?
Why is my baby kicking his legs/rocking his body?
Can breastfed babies sleep as well as formula fed babies?
Or, in your late night searches for answers, ordered 4 different books on Amazon that all promise to solve your child’s sleep problems? And in your search for these answers, how often do you end up feeling badly about something that you are either doing or have done before. There is a LOT of information out there. Eventually, you will come to learn that a lot of it starts to contradict itself. As a new parent, all of this information can become very overwhelming. This can easily produce a heightened level of anxiety in any new or even veteran mom.
This is a relatively new phenomena
Historically, this situation of over-information is a rather new phenomenon. If you ask your mother how she found answers to her parenting questions, she will probably say that she asked her pediatrician, her mother (aunt, cousin, sister—many of whom might have lived nearby and she actually witnessed them parenting their own children) or perhaps she had a copy of Dr. Spock’s book Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care. This is a far cry from all of the blogs, Facebook groups and the multitude of actual books that are available (often within a quick Google search’s instant) to moms today. The information that is available today is also much less personal and much more faceless. Anyone can post anything to a blog or social media site leading to little filtering out misinformation. Moms are sitting in their isolated homes (often in the middle of the of the night), seeking information and trying to process it with limit supports to talk through it all
Too much information leads to more anxiety
I strongly believe that this circumstance of over-information has contributed significantly to the level of depression and, in particular, anxiety among moms today. Not only are we more isolated then ever, often raising children without family nearby and in our own individual homes, but with all the information coming at us at all moments, it becomes very overwhelming and can make us feel like we are “doing it all wrong.”
It is hard to have perspective in the early months or even years of motherhood. It’s hard to know that things will pass when the current experience feels intense and everlasting. It is normal to constantly search for answers for how to make things feel better. I would never blame a mom for looking for those answers. I would just encourage moms to look for real life, in person sources of support. Not only will this limit the amount of information coming at you at any one time, but it serves the purpose of reducing isolation. One of the most protective factors at reducing postpartum depression and anxiety is having a network of social support. This can be family, friends who are currently having the same experience of new parenting, or friends who are veteran parents who can serve as your guides through the jungle of new motherhood.
Find experts and a supportive, in person network
I have often advised moms to stop Googling or to remove themselves from particularly “judgy” Facebook groups to protect themselves from the multitude of opinions coming at them. Instead, find trusted sources of information, with experts who are trained in early childhood development, infant/child behavior and mental health, medical and mental health professionals.
Find your “people.” Become connected in the real world with a group of other moms through either a new moms group or even a play group that grows out of a class you take with your child. Often the challenge of new parenthood is learning to trust yourself, developing instincts as a mother and starting to feel confidence in the job you are doing. This takes time and much trial and error as we learn who our children are and what they need from us. Eventually, you will be able to find your answers from within through that knowledge you gain from your child, just by knowing him or her. Until then, take care of yourself and protect your self from the hazards of over-information.