10 years of The Chicago New Moms Group

When I ran the first session of The Chicago New Moms Group back in January of 2011, I told myself, “If I can just get 6-8 moms in a room together to connect, that will be enough.”  Little did I know that 10 years later, I would have run 118 new moms sessions, 10 2nd time moms sessions, met 1476 new moms and 84 2nd time moms in 11 different locations (including virtually!).  My hope in starting the program was to be able to connect moms at a vulnerable but transformative time of their lives. To help moms become more confident in experience of being the best mom for their child and to help them make connections with others who are sharing parallel journeys. 

How it began

These last 10 years has been a tremendous learning experience.  It started with figuring out how to build a website so that I could reach moms through the internet.  When I ran those first sessions in Hyde Park, I remember walking my neighborhood, putting up flyers with pull tabs in hopes that other moms walking their babies in strollers might see them, take a tab and maybe look up the website and decide to join.  Once I learned how to build a website, I figured out how to use the power of search engine optimization to help moms awake in the haze of sleep deprivation find the group by searching “new moms group Chicago.”  Over the years, as I opened each new session, the phrase from the classic movie Field of Dreams often came to mind:  If you build it, they will come.  There were many times when I didn’t know where “they” would come from.  It is through a combination of straight up Google searches, tremendous support from moms who have participated and refer their friends, doulas, OBs and midwives, pre and postnatal wellness and fitness programs, therapists, Facebook group and Instagram referrals that the group has been able to continue and has grown.  Pre COVID, I was running 2 full new moms sessions per month each with 14 moms and a waiting list for each session and a 2nd time moms group every other month.  Since COVID, most groups are still full but I usually do 1 new moms session a month and a 2nd time moms session every other month on Zoom. 

The COVID impact

Things are definitely slower for the group since COVID.  I think that there are a few reasons for this:  1) There is still so much overwhelm with COVID life and many new moms, who haven’t experienced the isolation and struggle of new parenthood, may not be able to differentiate COVID isolation from new mom isolation.  They may not realize that due to their status as a new mom, there is support for these challenges.  2) I think that some moms may not feel like there is benefit that can come from a virtual new moms group.  3) Many of us have Zoom fatigue.  After being on video calls for work so much, it may not feel like a place you want to spend time during maternity leave.  The feedback I have received from moms who have participated virtually is that, while they are sad that they weren’t able to meet in person, they still feel as though they have benefited tremendously from the opportunity to meet the other moms and from the session content.  I encourage every session to find a way to be connected outside of our group time whether that is through email, texting, Facebook groups, WhatsApp or I even just learned that one past session is using Slack to stay connected.  Back before Chicago became frigid, some moms were even able to meet up for socially distanced walks and park meet ups. 

Someday, we’ll meet in person again

I am longing for the day that I can sit safely in rooms with moms and babies—I know it is crazy, but I miss the sound of all those crying babies.  Any mom who has been in an in person session knows that crying babies don’t bother me, I hardly hear them, I just keep talking.  It is all part of the process of learning how to soothe and care for your baby outside the comfort of your own home.  This is one of the byproduct benefits of the group that is missed by not being able to leave your home.  The silence of everyone muted on Zoom is deafening to me.  I also miss moms hearing other babies crying and knowing that this is normal, once again not feeling alone in the challenge of soothing a crying newborn.  I miss walking out at the end of a session and all the moms staying and hanging out together for as long as they can stay, staving off a few more minutes of new mom isolation.  I miss being in that room and moms crying when talking about hard postpartum emotions and a mom, who was a stranger just a bit ago, walking across our circle and asking the tearful mom if she can give her a hug.  Until then, I am grateful that we have Zoom where we can connect every week.  I look forward to each session where I can focus on those moms in the Zoom room and help them connect and grow together through shared experience. 

Thank you to everyone who has helped the group to continue and allowed it to flourish.  I am grateful to every one of you!  Here’s to another 10 years!